Day 34 In The Hole

 

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I am sharing the journal I kept while I did 7 months in the hole.

 

Dec. 29th, 2008 @ 2am

I tried calling my mom yesterday and found out the prison has blocked all my numbers. That means I can’t call anyone. This week I’ll try to get that fixed. All I can do is write a kite to my case manager. We’ll see!

The hardest part of prison is hole time. Because it makes you think more. Things just pop into mind. Good and bad.

Lately I’ve been thinking about my crime. I wonder how could I have actually carried through with such an act. I think about my family and all the pain I’ve caused. I think about the victims and all their friends and families, and how I hurt so many people.

***

I’m in a tight little box with just me and my thoughts. When my thoughts get too intense, I force myself to switch gears. I seek the positive aspects that are within painful situations and thoughts.

For example, I’m thankful no one died. I’m thankful that I have a release date. I’m thankful that I won’t die as an old man in prison.

Despite my situation, I’m so lucky in so many ways. And that’s what I like to focus on.

 

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Steven Jennings

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