Just how bad is it?
It’s as bad or as good as I make it.
The lying… it’s super bad.
It’s almost an everyday thing.
I pretty much know when my celly is lying. And even when he’s not lying, I question him. I don’t question him out loud, I keep it to myself because I don’t want to cause tension between us.
When my “BS Meter” goes off, I investigate. He mainly lies about what other people say. So I’ll simply go to that person and ask, only to find out that my celly completely and grossly lied. I’ve called him on a few lies already. He gets defensive and hostile. He attempts to clean it up by telling more lies.
For example, he told me that an officer jammed him up because our dog, Yahoo, wasn’t wearing a colored bandana. (We had just given Yahoo a bath and his bandana was off until it dried. Bandanas represent the status of the dog.)
The lie was so elaborate and full of back and forth dialogue between he and the officer. I knew he was lying. So later on I talked to the officer, only to find out that no such conversation ever took place.
Later that day I tried to have a serious talk with my celly. (He didn’t know I knew.) I explained to him that we need to be honest with each other.
I asked if he has ever lied to me?
He said no.
I asked if he was sure?
He paused, then said that he has never lied to me.
During the course of our conversation he lied to me several more time. It was like a domino effect, one lie inspired the next lie. He lied to cover up lies. Finally I told him that I talked to the officer, and I already knew the truth behind that lengthy, lie infested conversation we just had.
I got the feeling that this man really believed his own lies, because he attempted to convince me that he DID talk to the officer, and the officer DID say that. He wouldn’t budge! There was NO WAY this man was going to admit he lied.
So I said, “Let’s go talk to the officer together.”
He said, “Let’s go!”
I opened the door and we both started to head out. For a split second I started to think, “Man! Did the officer lie to me?” I mean, THATS how convincing my celly was.
Then, all of a sudden, my celly said, “Wait! Stop! Come back in here.”
We came back in and shut the door.
He said in a low defeated tone, “He never said that.”
I was super cool about it. I told him it was no big deal and let’s move on. He apologized for lying and assured me that from now on he would be honest with me. I shook his hand, told him all is good, and let’s move on.
Since then, he has lied to me numerous times. And if I can’t prove it, he doesn’t budge. So for the most part I just let him lie without calling him on it. But I must be honest, its frustrating and extremely annoying.
Last night I came back from the shower. The second I walk in he says, “Rollo started to chew on your shoe. I took it away from him.”
I have OCD, I know EXACTLY how and where I set my shoes. I looked at my shoes and they were untouched. My celly is disabled. There’s NO WAY he’s going to line my shoes up the way I do.
I KNOW HE’S LYING…AGAIN!!!
I’ll spare you the big ol lie infested conversation that ensued. But I will say that I called him on his BS. Along with several other previous lies. The flood gates opened!
It didn’t go well and now I feel animosity towards him. And I’m sure he feels animosity towards me. In the past, I would’ve made his life hard with verbal abuse and constant disrespect.
I called my sweet wife and told her what was going on. She offered me advice and help on how to handle this. She then remembered reading what my celly had written in a post on Stone City Blog. He wrote that he used to be a pathological liar. It instantly made sense.
The next day I was extra nice to him. Then I asked if we could have another serious conversation. He said yes. I commended him on his Stone City Blog post, and how he admitted he once had a lying problem. I offered to further help him in overcoming this problem.
We talked for a long time. He told me about his childhood and abuse, and why he lies. As we concluded I told him that this is the perfect opportunity for us both to evolve and overcome. He agreed.
It’s been a couple weeks since that chat. He hasn’t lied since…at least not to me.
If I feel he’s lying, all I have to say is, “Are you being truthful?”
He and I both agreed that by saying that, it’ll take him to a place of truth within, and will allow him to recognize and focus on his desire to be a better man. This also benefits me as it allows me to deal with issues in an appropriate manner.
So just how bad is it, living with a compulsive liar?
It’s as bad or as good as I make it.
I choose to make it a good thing, and to turn it into something that will allow us to both learn and grow.